Todays post was inspired by a very good friend of mine. Today she told me she was going to start living her life to the full(words to live by)...honestly I was jealous because I feel so many hurdles stand in my way of doing that. Sometimes I feel trapped by the world like I am being told I shouldn't try but today I am saying fuck that!
A massive part of my life is horses (let me know if you want to see more on that) and as much as they make me so happy they also can make me feel awful about myself. There is always someone with their own horse, riding more, competing more, jumping higher, have a better position. The thing is a year ago I was the person jumping that bit higher and doing the things I wish I could now. Around August time I had a fall off of a horse that I will forever hold in my heart, he was my baby, but it knocked my confidence more than I realised. I got straight back on after my fall (yes with a broken wrist) and continued to ride after my wrist had healed but only walking round the lanes. I am now at a different yard and havent been there very long, I can honestly say it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I have so much opportunity to grow as a rider and person. Not only are there wonderful horses to ride but I hope the friendships I am forming last a long time! But the nerves are there, I have been nervous about just sitting on a horse...once I am on I love it and know I am safe! But I see myself jumping crosses that I could jump years ago and get angry at myself for not being able to do more. Yet my friends (both those at the yard and those who are just horsey!) praise my improved position, my perseverance and I am trying to tell myself that its not about the highest you can jump its about the person who is jumping, how they have worked to get there and most importantly how they pick themselves up when things go wrong. I dont have my own horse, I dont have horsey parents to get to be where I am now I have had to work my bum off!
The broken arm: brace yourselves!
There is a point to that story and its that I am not living my life to the full because I am not giving myself credit for the things I have done! Living your life to the full isn't about what you are physically doing its about how you view that mentally. I don't have the most rosettes nor do I have the best Olympic horse but I do have kind people helping me to be who I want to be. I may never jump the highest jump, in fact someone will always seem to be achieving more but success is relative, look at where you have come from!
This applies to so many aspects in life as the world is a very competitive place and trust me most of the time I struggle to live my life and I settle for surviving and I am not saying I can change that right now. I am saying my future can be what I make it, so can yours! Sorry for the slightly rantings of this but I feel it is so important to recognise just because someone seems to be achieving more than you it doesn't make you any less valid!
Love you all,
The Boringly Ordinarily Normal Teen xx
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